By KJ Wagner (a children’s rights
advocate from Marietta, GA.)
"You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth."
By Kahlil Gibran “On Children,” The Prophet, 1923.
Day for many fathers is not a cause for celebration.
Instead, it’s a reminder of their ongoing estrangement
from their children. There’s a scientific term
for this estrangement, it’s called parental alienation
syndrome (PAS) and it’s reaching epidemic proportions.
It’s no surprise that this phenomena goes hand
in hand with the rising divorce rate, because
with divorce comes remarriage, a key “trigger”
Mothers typically try to prove loyalty to their
new spouses by supplanting them in place of the
children’s biological fathers, (performing what
Dr. Monty Weinstein, a national expert in PAS
calls a “parendectomy”). PAS comes in many forms
from mild; one parent speaking badly about the
other from time to time, more destructive; trying
to affect the child’s thinking about the other
parent, most extreme; (and this does happen) falsely
accusing a parent of child abuse solely to exclude
that parent from the child’s life.
One thing all of the PAS cases have in common
is that the children are placed “at risk” by the
offending parent or parents. Risk – would any
parent watch their children walk along a tight
rope with no net 100 feet above the ground? Without
any skill to make it across – they will fail.
PAS not only puts the children on a tight rope,
it takes away the net. Alienating parents treat
their children like this in order to hurt, punish
or seek revenge on their former spouses. What
they don’t realize is their children become pawns
in an adult game.
What kind of a father is most likely to be targeted
for PAS? The following characteristics almost
always apply. He avoids conflict, honors women,
respects children and puts their perceived “best
interest” above his own. This kind of father loses
in Family Court. He will not be able to see his
children because he was too “nice” and conciliatory
and never thought it could happen to him. Sad
to say, the Family Court system in most states
is sexually biased against fathers.
The media helped over dramatize the term “Deadbeat
Dads” until every father who wants to fight for
any right is labeled one. It’s time to uncover
the alternate phenomena – for every Dead Beat
Dad there’s a Me-Me Mom. These mothers care more
about control, revenge, hatred, and “getting even”
than they care about the welfare of their children.
The Me-Me-Mom is extremely egocentric and at best
doesn’t realize the psychological and emotional
damage she is doing to her children by denying
them access to their fathers. There is a scientific
term for the extreme example of a Me-Me Mom called
Malicious Mother Syndrome.
Every leading child psychologist agrees that
positive physical and emotional bonding with one’s
biological parents is one of the main ingredients
to healthy development. Until our Family Courts
catch up with the times, judges will continue
to allow mothers to deny and limit access to loving
fathers. There are currently federal class action
lawsuits in forty-five states brought on by non-custodial
fathers who believe that the current Family Court
rulings are Un-Constitutional (Fourteenth Amendment).
Many have probably heard of the International
group Fathers 4 Justice. These men dress up in
super hero costumes, climb public monuments and
do whatever it takes to draw attention to their
child custody plights. Maybe it’s time every father
becomes the super hero that his child sees in
him, without having to fight for the right. Happy
K.J. Wagner, National Children At Risk advocate,
is giving a seminar on Saturday, June 25, 1:00pm
at the Doubletree Roswell Hotel along with Dr.
Monty Weinstein, National PAS expert and Bruce
Eden, President of Father’s Rights NJ that documents
their Delta Team Custody Intervention strategy
for interested fathers and mothers. She can be
reached at 678-480-1550 or at firstname.lastname@example.org
Please visit her website www.wagnerconsultingservices.com